shadowy earth

shadowy heart

If not for the sunlight
revealing your contours

I could not worship their angles

their curves

and strong landscapes

once so well known

now too far to reach

If not for the sunlight
I would be frozen

in these cold harsh words

that are new, but long known

and be damned my observations

and be damned your waning resolve

for in this darkness

we are naked in the sunlight

and the threat of another night
full of  too stark  darkness

but with the promise of the sun’s melting rays

to warm us

to melt away the frost

and reveal the tender buds and blades

waiting underneath

to burst forth

and bask again

where they are thankful

for the sunlight

It’s like a whisper spoken in the pillows.

In the throws of passion.

At the end of it all, as he is fading.

And he says it.

And it tingles up the back of my neck.

And it melts down into my heart.

Where he speaks it, again and again, his mantra.

Heather.

~Anais Nin

As a true sensualist I like to take a little time to make things extra pleasurable when I’m not in a huge hurry.  With food, that means paying attention to color…to texture…to presentation.  I like there to be varied textures.  Bright exciting colors.  Warm, cold and crisp.  Lots of great sensations can be packed into one dinner.

As I write this I am listening to my new Jim Croce Live cd.  Thank you Billy <3

After spying a photo of a yummy hummus salad on my daughter Amber’s Facebook profile, I really wanted that salad.  So, the next day I went out and got the stuff to make one.  Lettuce, hummus, avocado, red pepper, red onion, tomato.  We had olives and chick peas already.  I made homemade falafels for the first time.  I didn’t have coriander or fresh parsley, so my falfel came out rather different than what I am used to, but I actually liked my milder falfel BETTER!   There was enough for three of us.

It was so good I decided to do it again the next day for lunch!  A little nan bread and goat cheese made it great.  Will and I were both able to eat every item on the plate!

Heather’s Feel Good Falafels

1 can of chick peas (garbanzo beans)
2 cloves of garlic
(mash them together good with a potato masher)

Add chopped mild yellow onion - about 1/4 cup
2 tbsp cumin
2 tbsp basil
1 tsp salt
1 tsp pepper

Mash all the ingredients together.  Make into small patties.

Heat up 1/2″ or so of oil on the stove (I used canola) and fry on each side until golden brown - about 6-8 mins total.

Set aside on plate with paper towel.

Robert, Jenni and I went to Hard Bargain Farm last Friday and bought some eggs. They only had ONE blue egg, and she was allllll mine, bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha!

We also stopped at B&J’s BBQ stand. Naughty naughty!  I feel bad for the piggy.  But, I reasoned, he was already sacrificed to the bbq gods, so I went ahead and had it.  I am a vegetarian sympathizer, so I try not to eat meat.  It would have been easier to avoid it if my parents had never fed it to me! You can’t miss meat if you’ve never had meat - I don’t think anyway.  Aside from eating pork, I also had dairy. Robbie bought me an ice-cream.

The dairy-free diet seems to be working well for my lungs.  I have been allowing myself a couple servings of dairy per week.  I had a doughnut yesterday too!  Right in front of Tracy!  I guess, it’s hard to resist a Krispy Kreme when it’s RIGHT THERE!  After I ate it I reminded myself that one doughnut was ok, but I certainly don’t want to end up diabetic like my mom and grandma.  All that refined sugar and flour is not so good for a gal like me.  I think it’s good to indulge your sensual food desires, as long as you keep them balanced with food packed with the good stuff too.  I mean, what would we do without chocolate?

Mmmmmmm. YUMMY!   And the ice cream looks good too.

OH!  And about a week or so ago my online etsy friend Lori sent me a few dainty little cookies out of the kindness of her heart, which I shared with my family.  Of course, I ate the pink one! PINK FROSTING - YAY!

Okay, part of that is true.  We did go for tea, but we talked about ALL SORTS of stuff!  Even stuff ladies aren’t supposed to talk about, especially when they are having a proper tea!

Our server was great.  Also very clean and pretty.  Recently, at Olive Garden (in Waldorf), I had a waitress who had a filthy shirt on - it was FILTHY - and her hands looked quite dirty as well.  NOT HAPPY about that.  I was distracted the whole dinner and wanted to get up and leave.  If we hadn’t just waited over an hour to be seated and if I’d had anything in the old ice-box at home, we would have bolted.  I was worried all evening that one of us would get sick.  Also, everybody else was starving and I didn’t want to be the one who said, “WE HAVE TO LEAVE NOW!”  I won’t be eating there again.

Anyway, as for The Royal Tea Room, it’s very neat and clean looking.  The owner seemed stressed the day before on the phone, when she asked if I was sure we would be prompt.  Then again in the throws of putting together an event that was to start at two, she seemed rather rushed.  I guess it’s good they are getting a lot of business, I just hope that she meditates a little before each big event.

You can go there and order regular meals, such as lunch.  We opted for tea, though, to get the full tea experience.

Not for vegans, that’s for sure.  I gave up my dairy-ban for the day and also ate some chicken and ham for said tea experience.  The chicken salad was very good and so was the tiny tuna melt.  There was a lemon blueberry triangle of something sweet that I enjoyed.  And of course, the little pink cake was the icing on top.  I just adore pink icing!

The best thing I ate, and totally worth the dairy ban lift, was the cream of crab soup.  Succulent chunks of crab in a creamy sauce of a soup that my arteries will be working on for weeks.  but it was a dainty cup of soup, so I didn’t feel too bad about it!

Our lemon, honey and cream was brought out on the dainty tray.  We were able to choose our tea cup from a shelving area with various sorts of tea cups and saucers on it.  Tracy opted for super-dainty.  I liked the teal flowers on mine.

The server allowed me to snap a shot of her with Tracy.  For the bloggy.  I’m sorry to say I was quite neglectful in getting our servers name!

Below is an image of Tracy - pinkie out.  I insisted.  We were putting on “airs.”  You’d have to be a Spongebob fan to understand.

See the cute pink one on top?  YUM!

Me with my pinkie out!

To see the lovely little confections visit lorisplace on etsy.  She has all kinds of baked goodies, but her favor cookies are just beautiful.  They also come in varied themes.  For my grandmother we plan on ordering butterflies.  She has Mother’s Day gift assortments.  Come Father’s Day, I’ll bet she’ll have some for that too!  I like giving edible gifts to family members who have limited household space.  They get a very lovely gift and they don’t have to find a place to store it!

Jade got some lovely flowers for her birthday from Ken and his family.  Or maybe they were just from her beau Ken.  We got her flowers to give her after a performance of Seussical the Musical, in which she was an ensemble member.  She also got a nice bunch from a friend of ours too.  It was a very sweet gesture.  As the flowers died I would combine them into different containers.  One of my favorite containers to put flowers into is an old fahsioned Ball jar.  The below image includes some crazy cool stripey roses that Ken gave her.  In the photo below that is what the bunch looked like as certain flowers began to die off.

The flowers we bought Jade faded the fastest.  Why, you might ask yourself?  Why oh why?  Well, I cut their stems nice and tidy, picked the perfect vase for them and put them in the center of a freshly cleaned table.  When I woke up the next morning they looked wilty.  I was much dismayed that the store had obviously given me a lousy bunch of old flowers.  I marched over to the table and picked the vase up and notice that I had forgotten to put water in it!  The poor flowers were dying of thirst and it was ALL MY FAULT!

In keeping with the Seussical theme of the weeks surrounding Jade’s birthday, we ordered a fun little cake from Charles St. Bakery.  I just said, “Gimme some stripes and polka dots in bright colors.”  They did it on one day’s notice too.  WOO HOO!

I stopped by the bakery this morning to meet a new pal and ran into two old pals who came in at different times during our visit.  New pal Kendall asked, “Heather, do you know everybody?”  And older pal Debra said that I did.  I laughed.  On the way home I thought of my first friend I’d made when I moved to Maryland.  Sherry befriended me a few months after I moved here.  I was pretty lonely and insulated with Robert gone at work all day, no car and little cash.  I was homeschooling my daughters and we spent most of each day reading, doing crafts, watching shows and movies and playing games.  Anyway, Sherry was doing work for a local community theatre.  She was tying up loose ends on a show she was directing and she needed somebody to help paint the set.  I had been poking around the internet looking for something to do and somehow we connected.  I think it was the next day, she picked up my kids and me and took us to the theatre.  I painted some designs on the set having no idea what the heck I was doing.  She was very nice and encouraging.  I’d never done set painting in my life, but I was very happy to have something creative to do besides what came in kid’s craft books.  Sherry immediatly took me under her wing.  She toted my little clan around town a couple of times and every place we went somebody knew her.  I thought that was so cool.  She is a good friend and now her daughter,  who grew up alonside my oldest, is a regular fixture in our house - a sort of extended family member.  And just like that, I had a friend.  From that friendship the world opened a bit more.  Sherry’s goddessy energy really made me feel inspired.

While at the bakery I had a lovely buttery apple poundcake slice.  It was a resonable slice and my lungs have been doing quite well, so I’ve allowed myself a little bit of dairy here and there.  I still am using soy milk all the time though.  There are only three tables in the tiny bakery, but it’s got such a nice “small-town” feel to it.

Robert is doing a 5K walk for hospice in St. Mary’s tomorrow.  I’m very proud of him.  I think when I am done writing this I will go give him squishes and kisses.

Billy boy is putting on a Monty Python - maybe I ought to go spend some time with him now.

Those are sweet things in life too, don’t you think?  Doing a good deed.  Snuggling on the couch and watching something silly.  Nibbling on pretty cookies.  Making new friends.  All wonderful sweet bits of life.

I am missing a party at a fabulous friend’s house tonight.  I sure hope they are having fun!  All the little puzzle pieces didn’t fall into place for me tonight Christiana - sorry!  Have tons of fun without me and thank you *so much* for the invite.  That was sweet too!

Tomorrow I hope to get the studio humming!  I’ll keep ya posted!  Hey, remind me to tell you about all the Alice in Wonderlandy things going on around me.  And the Snow White stuff I plan on doing!

Jessica Andrews -  Who I Am

If I live to be a hundred
And never see the seven wonders
That’ll be alright
If I don’t make it to the big leagues
If I never win a Grammy
I’m gonna be just fine
‘Cause I know exactly who I am

I am Rosemary’s granddaughter
The spitting image of my father
And when the day is done
My momma’s still my biggest fan
Sometimes I’m clueless and I’m clumsy
But I’ve got friends who love me
And they know just where I stand
It’s all a part of me
And that’s who I am

So when I make big mistake
When I fall flat on my face
I know I’ll be alright
Should my tender heart be broken
I will cry those teardrops knowin’
I will be just fine
‘Cause nothin’ changes who I am

I am Rosemary’s granddaughter
The spitting image of my father
And when the day is done
My momma’s still my biggest fan
Sometimes I’m clueless and I’m clumsy
But I’ve got friends who love me
And they know just where I stand
It’s all a part of me
And that’s who I am

I’m a saint and I’m a sinner
I’m a loser, I’m a winner
I’m am steady and unstable
I am young but I’m able

I am Rosemary’s granddaughter
The spitting image of my father
And when the day is done
My momma’s still my biggest fan
Sometimes I’m clueless and I’m clumsy
But I’ve got friends who love me
And they know just where I stand
It’s all a part of me
And that’s who I am

I am Rosemary’s granddaughter
The spitting image of my father
And when the day is done
My momma’s still my biggest fan
Sometimes I’m clueless and I’m clumsy
But I’ve got friends who love me
And they know just where I stand
It’s all a part of me
And that’s who I am

I miss the sound of your voice
And I miss the rush of your skin
And I miss the still of the silence
As you breathe out and I breathe in

if i can walk on water if i can tell you whats next
if i can make you believe if i can make you forget

So come on, get higher, loosen my lips
Faith and desire at the swing of your hips
Just pull me down hard
And drown me in love
So come on, get higher, loosen my lips
Faith and desire at the swing of your hips
Just pull me down hard
And drown me in love

I miss the sound of your voice
The loudest thing in my head
And I ache to remember
All the violent, sweet
Perfect words that you said

if i could walk on water, if i could tell you whats next,
make you believe, make you forget

So come on, get higher, loosen my lips
Faith and desire at the swing of your hips
Just pull me down hard
And drown me in love
So come on, get higher, loosen my lips
Faith and desire at the swing of your hips
Just pull me down hard
And drown me in love

I miss the pull of your heart
I taste the sparks on your tongue
I see angels and devils
And God, when you come on
Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on

Come on, get higher, loosen my lips
Faith and desire at the swing of your hip
Just pull me down hard
And drown me in love
So come on, get higher, loosen my lips
Faith and desire at the swing of your hips
Just pull me down hard
And drown me, drown me in love

so right
ohhhhhhhh yah, hey
Come on, get higher
‘Cause everything works, love
Everything works in your arms

There is something about it that makes me get choked up.

The last couple of days I’ve been shedding a lot of tears.  You can blame it on “Aunt Flow” if you want, but it’s more than that.

I feel alive with ideas, yet burdened by them at the same time.  How can I possibly make this body do that many things?

I am inspired with all the talented people out there.  Each blog I visit lets me peek into another magical world.  I actually found this video on a blog that had me crackling with inspiration already.

It all started with me just looking at various blog layouts - but that is dangerous work for me.  When I like the layout, I linger.  When I linger I get distracted from the task at hand.

Some days I have to simply walk away from the computer, even though some of my art lies there.  Some of my undone tasks are dangling there.  But, it’s good for me to step away and focus on another aspect of work at times.  Today, I am cleaning the studio up.  Yes, it was recently cleaned, quite well I might add, but it’s a tad messy now.  Nothing like before - before it wasn’t even organized, right now it’s just needing a tidy-up.  So that will be my chore for the day.  To tidy, so I may then get some work completed.

The level to which I have been distracted by tangential indulgences this past week are unsurpassed so far this year.  I have been wholly indulgent in my path meanderings.  Facebook also encourages such behavior to a degree at which might be frightening if I had to actually leave my home for a daily job.  Yesterday I was totally obsessed with finding out if I could buy local eggs that looked like the eggs I had gotten from a particular farm a couple of years ago and much like an entry here on Maya*Made.  Of course, it being Sunday and a holiday to boot, I couldn’t find out squat.  So, today I made did a little research and made a phone call and later this week I’ll hopefully have some lovely, colorful and local eggs.

Currently I am preparing Body Politics for Artomatic.  That will be keeping me occupied for weeks to come.  After Artomatic opens, I will be ready for more indulgent artful activities.  I’ve come up with several ideas that I’m excited to get started on right away, so maybe I will get started on them in small ways - to have some works-in-progress that I can come back to and finish.

One thing is for certain - I am very glad to be past many of my self-improvement techniques and exercises and onto who I am.  I know who I am.  I have worked past many obstacles and have arrived at my creative place. And even in times of uncertainty and when despair rears its ugly head from time to time, I have great sources of support that I have cultivated.  Great friends.  Great family.  Great loves.  I hope I can always be as wonderful and supportive as my friends have been to me.

Happy Easter to the Christians out there, too.

I’m doing a little community service today for the joy of making the neighborhood a better place.  Wish me luck and happy neighbors!