Posted By admin on July 20, 2005

If you have NOT seen the movies Office Space or Splendor in the Grass  then you might not want to read this ? it contains spoilers.   Also, don't forget to look at my “legal notice” on July 18.

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In the movie Office Space ? which is practically REQUIRED entertainment for anybody with a modicum of humor ? the character Peter, after hearing that  before she met him, his girlfriend Joanna ?fucked Lumburgh? - his evil soulless boss - goes a little haywire.

He really likes the girl and has been dating her after dating a woman who cheated on him he was happy to find somebody nice and who likes Kung Fu, just like him.  They were so happy.  He seemed so in love.  Well hearing she slept with man that represents all that is wrong with the world messed him up!

He has this vision in his head of his girl Joanna with Lumbergh ? in a great scene where Lumbergh is standing, holding the foot of who is supposedly Joanna, with a coffee mug in one hand and saying:

?Why don?t you move it a little to the left? That?s right. Grrrrreat. Oh, hello, Peter. What?s happening? Uh, could you give me those TPS reports ASAP? Mmmkay??

He finally confronts Joanna about it, even though it had been years since Joanna slept with Lumbergh - Peter yells:

?He represents all that is soulless and WRONG!?

It turns out that it was a different Lumbergh - but that didn't matter, the point was that he was affected by the image of her having sex with this troll of a man.  He forgave her when he found out the truth of course, but I wonder if he could have forgiven her if it really had been his evil boss?

The reason I mention this is because Will and I were talking about how you sometimes cringe to think of certain people having sex.  Sometimes you look back and wish you hadn?t had sex with somebody or are surprised that person ever even attempted to let go or release.  Or sometimes somebody is SO UPTIGHT you feel like if they just had a good orgasm, they might be more relaxed ? but those are the people who are hardest to picture having joyful and SEXY sex.  It?s sort of like picturing Lumbergh have sex ? more about duty, control or just function, than about connection, affection, warmth and love. 

I remember a scene in the old movie Splendor in the Grass where Natalie Wood?s character was being given a sex talk by her mother.  It went something like this:

Mrs. Loomis: Now Wilma Dean. Bud Stamper could get you into a whole lot of trouble. And you know how I mean. Boys don't respect a girl they can go all the way with. Boys want a nice girl for a wife. Wilma Dean, you and Bud haven't gone too far already, have you?
Deanie: No, mother.
Mrs. Loomis: Tell me the truth, Wilma Dean!
Deanie: No, Mom, we haven't gone too far.
Mrs. Loomis: That's a relief.
Deanie: Mom…is it so terrible to have those feelings about a boy?
Mrs. Loomis: No nice girl does.
Deanie: Doesn't she?
Mrs. Loomis: No, no nice girl.

Deanie: But Mom?didn't?didn't you ever, well, I mean?didn't you ever feel that way about Dad?
Mrs. Loomis: Your father never laid a hand on me until we were married. And then I?I just gave in because a wife has to. A woman doesn't enjoy those things the way a man does. She just lets her husband come near her in order to have children. Deanie, what's troubling you?
Deanie: Oh, nothing, Mom.

Mrs. Loomis explains to her daughter that women don't enjoy sex or have sexual urges, and that they dutifully have sex with their husbands only to have children because that?s what you must do. She implies was always physically repelled by her husband and by the aggressive tendencies of men. Deanie, however is already experiencing the typical strong sexual urges that accompany the hormone surge of adolescence ? and love, which she tries to suppress, because she also wants to be ?a good girl? and wants to stay ?pure? until marriage ? despite the fact we get the impression her heart and body want most to be with Bud. Also, Bud wants most to be with her.  They are drawn to each other and anybody with a soul watching the movie is rooting for them to just BOND ALREADY.  The tension is well illustrated in the movie and also the ridiculousness of the restraints that ?traditional values? puts on us at times.

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Yes, there have been times in my life that I have had ?hang ups? about my body, but I don?t think anybody could accuse me of having hang ups about sex. 

I often wonder at what point somebody is destined to have a fetish.  I saw a show once, I think it was ?The Practice? where a character played by Henry Winkler was a dentist and he did free dental work on a woman who would put on high heels and squash bugs for his sexual pleasure.  Now, nobody gets hurt (I?m sure the bug resents that remark!) but what is this doing to bond with anybody?  Nothing.  It is filling a base sexual desire.  It only serves to make him pleased.  Pleasured.  That?s it.  The pupils dilate.  The heart beats faster.  The blood rushes.  It?s all visceral.  There is no love, no compassion, no deep touching of spirit.  I have always strongly believed that is the PURPOSE of sex ? to connect, to bond, to share deep desire. 

There have been times in my life that I have given in to the urge for sex or sexual excitement just because it was there, and I was in full bloom ? just to see what would happen or how this or that would feel.  To try and test my limits of interest and desire and learn how much I could compartmentalize my feelings, sexuality and heart from each other. 

I have also had sex with people I liked or was dating in a ?love the one your with? kind of way ? because I didn?t love them but I wanted to TRY to love them, and since in my mind, spirit and heart, love and sex are so closely connected, I hoped having sex would make me love them ? but it only made me feel empty.  These were the men (and boys) I was with before I ever met Robert ? all of the men I had sexual encounters with before Robert, with the exception of Amber?s biological father Patrick, I was not in love with ? after sex with them I would turn away and lay facing the wall, wondering why I felt empty and wondering when I would feel full.

What is the point of having mechanical sex with anybody?  What is the point in lovemaking when it could be any person beneath you?  It?s important to BE in that moment.  It?s important to FEEL every part of that person from the tips of your fingers to the corners of your mouth, let their essence gently wash over you, then crash in waves and know that is a special spirit you are joining with.  I even believe you could meet a special spirit and make love to them the same day and have a special connection ? you don?t have to know somebody for a long time to feel that electric connection ? but you do have to know somebody for a while to understand their heart.  Sometimes our bodies know what our hearts don?t and send us signals that it?s sometimes good to listen to.

Lovemaking is at it?s best for me when one can let go of learned negative responses.  To get back to the time when sex was new and exciting and when exploring each other is so basic a pleasure ? as you touch this, or kiss that, you listen for the change in breath, you feel the heart beat faster, the arching of backs and the soft moans of pleasing each other is easy and simple and joyful.  Where having a sense of humor and not taking yourself too seriously is important.  When your focus is on pleasing each other and not totally ?goal oriented? towards the climax, but rather the enjoyment of just touching another human who is important to you and not only being above or beneath or inside of them physically, but spiritually as well, the climax naturally follows.  Then trusting that person enough to let go and unleash your waves of love and pleasure without shame ? let them quake with you, and then collapse together, allowing your spirits to meld as long as possible. 

I?m sure that there are many folks out there who are totally happy with their sex lives ? and that?s all that matters, as long as you?re happy.  Some folks have found lovers who share in their fetishes ? that?s cool ? maybe that?s why you found each other.  I know some folks look at sex as pleasure to share with whoever they can ? and if they feel fulfilled inside, that?s all that matters.  As long as you feel happy and fulfilled, as long as your sex life is what you want it to be, that?s great, I?m not judging anybody.

I?m just telling things through my own feelings and experience ? which is all any of us can really do anyway.

Peace. Out.

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