Posted By admin on June 15, 2004

? Though she entered unnoticed, you will feel it when she leaves?

~ Michelle Lewis from ?Nowhere and Everywhere?

Amber left an hour ago.

She and Adam got into his black Mustang and drove away.

She almost forgot her favorite blanket.  I saved her from that fate.

She?s almost a woman?except she needs that blanket.

She is still a girl, except she?s grown and leaving.

I didn?t think I would get very emotional.

I did choke.

I haven?t seen much of her for the past seven or eight months?between work and staying at her boyfriends or going out with friends.  She was home cocooned in her room sometimes?she would enter unnoticed. 

She is me in so many ways.  I don?t feel much older than eighteen at times.

Perhaps some of these strange feelings I don?t know what to do with are here because it?s not normal for a woman my age?just 34?to be sending her daughter into the world.  Most people are usually well into their forties before they have to face these things.

I watched her packing yesterday.  I helped her move some boxes.

I made her a cd with her favorite Lord of the Rings music on it.  I gave her a cute stationary set of cards and a Maya Angelou card?and asked her to write now and then.

Jade is already scoping out her room.  Finding things she accidentally left behind.  A photo of Adam.  A pair of black boots.  An eyeglasses case.  A lunch box. A watch that works but the band is broken. That is all that is left here of my first daughter?s belongings.  That is what I still have of her.

I?m not sure where to file these emotions.

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