Posted By admin on September 4, 2003

I am learning that death dumbfounds me.  Several of my friends have lost loved ones recently, Sweetie, Jim, Wes, Brian and Tim ? I had no idea what to say to them other than, ?I?m sorry.  Let me know if I can do anything.?  That?s it.  That?s the extent of my great comfort.  Sympathy cards seem so?so?so, well, ineffectual?impotent?they don?t seem like they could nearly touch the pain.  I don?t know if they are truly comforting or if they are reminders.  What do you do when somebody loses a loved one?

My neighbor Susie, a very sweet woman with a kind spirit who lost her adult son last week.  He was in a terrible auto accident in one of those horrible storms and lost his life.  I see her car there.  Then it?s not there.  Then it is again.  I haven?t seen her.  I don?t know if I should go to her door and tell her how sorry I am or leave her to her grief.  I don?t want to disturb her, but I don?t want her to think I don?t care.  I suppose I could drop a sympathy card in the mail.  Is that comforting?  I don?t know.

She has, in a sense, lost a part of herself and I?m sure she is glad for every moment she shared with her son.  I wonder if it feels as if he is merely away on vacation or if the realness of the loss, his total goneness, has hit her full force leaving her heart feeling the weight of the loss.

I saw the words  ?Before and after school activities? on the side of a childcare center van yesterday.

It put my world into a strange perspective.  I had dropped off my daughter at school.  I kissed her and watched her walk into her classroom.  We waved at each other.  The teacher that stands guard at that time of the morning smiled and told me it gives the little ones a boost when the parents are there for them.  I wished her a good day and got in my truck and exited the school property and drove as the childcare van was next to me and I noted the words that vibrated in my heart.

With my older daughter I had to work.  HAD to.  So many people HAVE to.  The owner of the house we rent from is selling her home and we have to move.  The average rents in Waldorf for single family homes seem to begin at $1200 to $1400.  I?m a bit stressed. That?s a LOT of money.  But we will manage.  I wished we could buy right now.  But that isn?t likely.  Such short notice.  I could get a job, but then I would miss out on that time with my daughter.  And time with my older daughter too, who is nearly old enough to fly from the nest.  More than ever lately I have been reminded how important that time is. 

My parents go to church with the Grandparents of this little girl  - ?Heaven Ross? is missing.  Eleven years old.  Gone.  Nobody knows where.  Yet.  I am wishing hard for her safe return.  You can also read an article regarding her disappearance here.

All of these burdens that are rocking the world of people around me truly put things into perspective. Finding an affordable house to rent is not that horrible of a problem when I think of the nightmares these people are going through.   

What can you say that brings comfort?  What can you do that even remotely touches the pain? 

?I am here if you need me.? 

How small that sounds in a tornado of emotions.

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