Posted By admin on June 18, 2003

Cliques and high schoolish behavior.
Talking behind people?s backs and I AM MARKED WITH THE SCARLET J !

Okaaay, maybe I am overly sensitive.  Maybe, but I don?t think so. I am having a party at my house next week with some co-hosts.It?s a fun ?Midsummer Night?s Dream? fairy themed party.

My ?friend? Brian RSVP?d to my party with the following NO:

“bjd*******@****.com -  I don't see a single person on the yes list who came to my play. No thanks.?

He is referring to his production of ?How I Learned To Drive? at Hard Bargain Players, which he directed and for which he actually received a FAVORABLE REVIEW on www.allzah.com  which, if he is serious with his reply, apparently wasn?t good enough.

I was dumbstruck. Really. I am still kind of thinking for sure it has to be one of his smart ass jokes. He has one of those really sardonic senses of humor where sometimes you don?t know if he?s joking or not. As uncouth as that RSVP is, I figured it MUST be a joke?but now I am wondering.  Even if it is a joke, it's still a terrible thing to post.  I feel kind of bad for my other guests who replied YES, because he's just dissed all of them.  I emailed him to ask.  No response, yet.  Perhaps I am getting ahead of myself by posting this blog before he responds, but I don?t know if he will, and I?ll tell you why ~~

I can?t help but feel that it has more to do with the fact that my Co-hostess for the party is?well, lets see, to make a long story short:

~~Jackie (see Jackie Blue?s blogs on www.allzah.com) got involved with Aaron (who she is now engaged to) while Aaron was engaged to Suzanne who is now engaged to Brian ? all of this in less than a year?s time.It seems that everybody is with whom they belong now.There were hurt feelings and rough times, but it?s OVER and they are all with their respective loves.I have jokingly said that I walk about with a Scarlet J on my chest because Jackie is my best friend.Why that would be, I don?t know, considering I was sitting in Casey?s one night and Brian told me that he ?Thanks Jackie every day.? Meaning, now HE has Suzanne.~~

I don?t recall ever having done anything bad to Brian.  In fact I thought Brian liked me.  I have worked on productions with him numerous times. He?s not a ?close? friend.  He?s one of those friends that you end up doing projects with and having drinks after working, lots of laughs and too much personal info flying around the table and maybe a cup of coffee now and then.  I remember once when I was working down at Hard Bargain on the production of ?Eye of God? and I brought my young daughter with me, she was about seven at the time, and he lay on the stage on his stomach coloring in the Barbie coloring book with her.  It was sweet.

So why do I care? I don?t now, other than I feel sometimes like I am walking down a linoleum coated hallway floor with little groups of people standing in circles near their lockers and whispering about the other groups.As Sweetie would say, it?s SO STOOOPID!!!

There are so many more things in life to embrace.  Why does it have to be this way?  I want to be the serene Goddess and just rise above it all, but here I sit, with all the many tragedies going on in the world, typing into this blog about this silly stuff.  It helps me to release the negative energy and find the positive to enfold.

Jackie is my friend because she and I can talk about anything without forcing our wills on each other.  Jackie had some internal sadness that I would still talk to Suzanne, if she happened to be around I would say hi because she'd never done anything directly to me.

(I edited this part because it felt too much like gossip, the very thing I am trying to avoid and am tired of)

Jackie accepts me as I am and did not oust me as her friend because I didn?t oust somebody who?d done nothing to me directly. Suzanne and Jackie have some history and deservedly so, but I wasn?t a party to ANY of it, so I keep clear of it.  I listen to Jackie when she needs to talk and she then meditates on the issues, tries to let her spirit grow and comes out a more evolved spirit each time.

My dear hubby, Robert, said I shouldn?t even post anything about the RSVP and all of the the other weird behavior and evite lurking ? people looking at the evite but not wanting to RSVP a yes for appearing to be disloyal to Suzanne because Jackie?s name is as one of the hosts - because it?s not worth the ?mindspace? it takes up. Heh, good word, MINDSPACE.  I, however, am tired of NOT talking about it, pretending like it doesn?t exist. I?m tired of averted eyes and prickly energy and awkward moments.  I don't know how to end it all or if my blog will do more damage than good, but all of this is done with the intention of finding the place to heal and a way to move forward.

No, we did not invite Suzanne to the party directly, but we were sure to invite Brian, knowing full well they are together and he could bring her as a guest if she wanted to come, leaving it totally open to her.

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